The Warsaw High School Times

Graphic by Rita Pasiewicz

“It’s not a walk in the park to love each other” – sang the American rock band Paramore in the year 2013. If it is not a romantic and enchanting walk in the Łazienki park, then is it a muddle through an overgrown, dense jungle, with no way out? And what could seem even worse, a journey with no foreseeable result?

What is intriguing, and at the same time amusing or depressing, is that, since around forty thousand years ago when homo sapiens first appeared on Earth, society has still not found the ‘right way’ to love. There is no documented case of the ideal and true, constantly harmonious relationship nor feeling between any human being. In the wake of this situation, there is even no recipe for such a case.

However, we are still searching for the ideal relationship that appears to be so common in books and films. This leads to the point when we, young people entering the path of the first love life and relationships, are confused about what is acceptable and what is not. We are confronting ourselves with the reality, often unexpectable and disappointing, but also beautiful in its rigidity.

Love is about countless aspects, but let us focus only on the ones the closest to us, shall we?

Limerence – the swarm of butterflies and why is it important.

Limerence or falling in love is the first and the most chaotic and exciting stage of being in a relationship. During this period, we are experiencing “butterflies in our stomach”, constant blushing, and the most intensive physical affection. That is why this stage is called “cuddle stage” as well. There is a feeling of “being in Heaven” and seeing through “rose-coloured” glasses.

According to the psychologist Katarzyna Mianowska this is the best stage of the relationship, and it is important not to have any serious argument during this time – because then it presages poorly on the future of the relationship. And because it is the best stage of the relationship, we have to take pleasure in it.

The power of self-love

Another message recently spread louder and wider concerns the key rule of love that is unfortunately often forgotten. It is that “Before loving anyone else you have to love yourself.” In the article written by Anita Wleklińska in the “Zupełnie Inny Świat – Miłość” magazine it is mentioned that only by loving and knowing you and your own limitations it is possible to show true affection towards another unit. That is because you are aware of what you want, and you are not loving someone blindly. It will prevent constant toxic comparison to other people, which is harmful for any kind of relationship.

Love in the shops and around us – a quick glance at the patterns of love in pop-culture

Nowadays we have an opportunity to distinguish “patterns” and “components” of love from many sources – currently the most popular ones are on social media (like music, posts published by well-known influencers) and in the entertainment industry, more precisely literature and the filming world. How do they impact our perception of love?

Surprisingly, sociology is not giving us a clear-cut answer. According to sociologist, Dr. Julita Czernecka, directors and the artists of today are presenting increasingly realistic visions and scenarios of love. In many of these productions woman play a significant part in the marriage or the relationship. That is a total opposite of the ones from the “olden days”, when only men took the lead.

What is more, according to Dr. Czernecka, people are raising awareness about problems such as infidelity and toxic relationships (for example Shakira: BZRP Music Sessions #53 or ‘Feather’ of Sabrina Carpenter), which is very beneficial for society as it is a proof that experiencing unsuccessful relationships is not a taboo topic anymore and not a thing to be ashamed of.

On the other hand, according to studies, the most popular thing we imagine when it comes to love are romantic beginnings and soul kinship (in other words finding a soulmate). We are still surrounded by books that are spreading the motives of the ideal, always romantic, and beautiful relationships. And, of course, those books are not at all times harmful, especially after a long day at school. Everything stated here needs to be taken with a grain of salt. Such books are very relaxing to read, and so is imagining those sweet, cute stories about two people made for each other and their invincible bond. However, as said by Dr. Czernecka, it can influence people to become so called ‘single romantics’ that are looking for an ideal, flawless person that will always look like a model from a magazine cover and will always “create butterflies in their stomach”.

Love is one of the most complicated phenomena that has ever existed, is not it? There is no right way to experience it, and that is why it is so confusing. Many of us still believe in finding their soulmate, just like Romeo finally found Juliet. But, as we are living in XXI century, Romeo’s role also can belong to Juliet, and vice versa. It is not so important how you find the person you love, but more so how you feel in the relationship.