The Warsaw High School Times

By Jan Kowalski

BREAKING: An anonymous spokesperson at The British School of Warsaw has announced the creation of a new space agency, designed to boost Poland’s space capabilities as well as TBS’s technological supremacy in comparison to other local schools.

The programme is envisioned to construct several suborbital vehicles in preparation for an eventual mission to Mars in September of 2027. In doing so, it will re-vitalize the many school laboratories at TBS, which were previously only used for significant technological development as part of the Internal Assessments and Extended Essays of the International Baccalaureate Diploma Programme.

While specific information is yet to come, the details available suggest the usage of methane from the laboratory gas taps as the primary fuel for these new craft. Meanwhile, preparations are underway for the commencement of astronaut training for 10th-graders.

When contacted in relation to the proposed project, former IB Head Student and MUN celebrity Karol Ziołkowski responded with:

“What r u talking about?”

Meanwhile, former IB Head Team member and renowned baker Barbara Pokorska commented simply:

“Only if I get to be the first TBS student in space.”

Experienced TBS engineer Iwo Maciantowicz has heaped significant praise onto the idea. When asked what he thought, his response was:

“Phenomenal idea / We are one nord anglia funding and a few lower year group volunteers away from competing with artemis 2“

However, he also pointed out the critical need to develop stronger local manufacturing capabilities, declaring:

“I believe that, as of now, The British School Warsaw has potential to undertake such a challenge, yet I find its current manufacturing and design capabilities rather limited. The current lab equipment and lack of any workshop would significantly limit our ability to manufacture and research propulsion, navigation, and communication systems, which would force us to contract said systems out, raising the question of how to balance cost with quality. What’s more, our campus’ location could inhibit launch operations, as safety concerns regarding rocket launches would need to be consulted with relevant aviation and school authorities, and a dedicated launching facility would need to be determined. Therefore, while possible, such an endeavour would require extensive technical development and resolution of any legal ramifications that might arise.”

The TBS administration itself has thus far not provided any more comments on the matter, or clarified how it would navigate potential legal boundaries and hurdles.

The programme has already attracted significant interest and worry amongst other elite high schools across Warsaw. The authors of the article, searching for renowned authorities related to the field of aerospace, were able to have a brief conversation with II LO Stefan Batory High School student and officially-recognized Jedi Master* Wiktor Chojnicki, PhD**:

Interviewer: “What do you think of the TBS Space Programme currently being launched? How will it affect TBS-Batory relations?”

Wiktor: “Sorry / Of the what?”

Interviewer: “The TBS Space Programme, that is envisioned to put the first TBS Students on Mars. Do you feel that Batory will seek to launch a similar initiative, or seek to collaborate with TBS on the matter?”

Wiktor: “Is this a social experiment”

Interviewer: “I am being fully serious right now”

Wiktor: “How would that work then / As in the space program”

Interviewer: “These details are currently classified; however, it is safe to say that the plentiful school laboratories will be involved in rocket assembly and fuel production.”

Wiktor: “I know a competent person from Batory who might be interested but you seriously must make your pitch better bro”

Another, detailed perspective was provided by youth parliamentarian and
CEO of the Youth Diplomacy project Blanka Winiarska, who suggested that the project would be:

“[…] making children want to implement such initiatives in their own schools using some sorts of grants / Which on the long term could be great; however, the project would have to have a to gain large media publicity over a sustainable period of time”

It remains to be seen what the reaction of Poland’s other high schools will be, and just how quickly TBS’s space programme will develop. Yet, one thing is certain: a new space race has just begun.

*According to the VISMUN 2025 proceedings

**According to himself

Note: In case you have not realized yet, the plans proposed by the article are purely fictional in nature. All interviews and comments are, however, real.